R.W. Granville, 12/09


Dick Granville 11/09




In this life I’m a woman.

In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.

When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.

You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that too.

When you’re a girl bear,

you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts)

while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.

I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.

You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.

If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.

He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

YUP , gonna be a bear !!


Some Old...Some New

An elderly gentleman...
    Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went
    To the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
    a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
    And the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your
    Family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
    The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my
    Family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
    Changed my will three times!'

     Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
    On a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and
    Says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just
    Full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How
    Do you feel?'
    Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
    'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
    'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my

     An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
    And after eating, the wives left the table and went into the
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last
    Night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really
    Great. I would recommend it very highly.'
    The other man said, 'What is the name of the
    The first man thought and thought and finally said,
    'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you
    You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
    'Do you mean a rose?'
    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then
    Turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's
    The name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

     Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
    Being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse,
    I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on
    The bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he
    Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me
    Wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still
    Upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital

    Couple in their nineties are both having problems
    Remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them
    That they're physically okay, but they might want to
    Start writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up
    From his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the
    Kitchen?' he asks.
    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
    'Don't you think you should write it down so you
    Can remember it?' she asks.
    'No, I can remember it.'
    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
    Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget
    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice
    Cream with strawberries. '
    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain
    You'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down,
    I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped
    Cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
    The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a
    Plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a
    'Where's my toast?'

     A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    'So I hear you're getting married?'
    'Do I know her?'
    'This woman, is she good looking?'
    'Not really.'
    'Is she a good cook?'
    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
    'Does she have lots of money?'
    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse..'
    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
    'Because she can still drive!'

    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
    Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
    Third one says, 'So am I . Let's go get a

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new
    hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's
    state of the art.. It's perfect.'
    'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is
    'Twelve thirty.'
One more. . .!

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
    street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
    said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:
    'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
   The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
    got a heart murmur; be careful.'
Don B


Well, darn...
Now I forgot what it was...
More from Don Belcher

 A distraught senior citizen 
phoned her doctor's office. 

'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 
'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken 
for the rest of my life?' 

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. 
There was a moment of silence 
before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, 
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 
  An older gentleman was 
on the operating table 
awaiting surgery 
and he insisted that his son, 
a renowned surgeon, 
perform the operation. 
As he was about to get the anesthesia, 
he asked to speak to his son. 

'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son; 
do your best 
and just remember, 
if it doesn't go well, 
if something happens to me, 
your mother 
is going to come and 
live with you and your wife....'
  Eventually you will reach a point 
when you stop lying about your age 
and start bragging about it.
  The older we get, 
the fewer things 
seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people 
try to turn back their odometers. 
Not me!
I want people to know 'why' 
I look this way. 
I've traveled a long way 
and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied 
and would like to go back to youth, 
think of Algebra.

  You know you are getting old when 
everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things 
no one tells you about aging 
is that it is such a nice change 
from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, 
but being old is comfortable.


Keep Your arm around my shoulder, 
and, Your hand over my mouth! 

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today!!
 The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6.  Name the last decades's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier? The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials , the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

MHS 1950 Classmates supporting each other on

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...It's already tomorrow in New Zealand !"
(Charles Schultz)

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup..'

'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?'